So close and still so far
by Letty Malfoy Potter
Summary: Tony asks Loki for divorce. This is what happens after... AU.
1. Part I

Part I:

Saying that Tony was uncomfortable was a euphemism, Loki was not moving at all, he was just… there. Tony was starting to worry about him, he didn't know if he should call an ambulance or something.

-You know things weren't working out, we were just together for the sake of being together, there wasn't any love left between us-Tony said a little desperate for a reaction-I still care about you, Loki but I think we're hurting each other living like this… -he waited but Loki remain in silence-we can be friend, you know? We don't have to hate each other, right? Right? And we can…-he stopped in middle sentence. Loki move a hand and put it in his heart, Tony was about to ask him if he was feeling OK (or if he was having a heart attack, maybe) but Loki just took a pen from his blazer a signed the papers without hesitation, Tony was surprised. The dark haired man stood up and left the room, his gaze was fixed on the front and when Loki closed the door, Tony felt like he will never see him again.

* * *

It was a year later, in a party, that he saw him again. He was talking with Natasha, it was New Year's Eve and they were all reunited. After the divorce, Loki decided to take a trip to London, to see his family but he didn't come back, Clint, who is Loki's best friend, was really mad at Tony for two months. Tony was dating a girl from Stark Industries, Pepper and they were doing well but he wasn't sure that he wanted a commitment just yet.

-I have something to tell you-said Tasha.

-What is it?

-Loki's coming today-Tony was shocked for a few seconds, and then he just threw back his head and drank all his scotch in one.

-Good for me-he said, Natasha raised an eyebrow and rolled her eyes.

-Behave, please, he's here after a long time and I'd like for Clint to stop pouting about his friend.

-I'll behave, mom-he said rolling his eyes.

She didn't say anything and went for another drink.

-Hello, handsome-Tony grinned to his girlfriend.

-Hello, there.

-I brought you a drink-he almost rolled his eyes when he saw a martini, she still doesn't learn that he likes scotch.

-Thank you, darling-she smiled.

He heard a scream and turned to see Clint running to the door, he saw him threw himself into a man that could only be Loki but he could barely see him whit Clint all over him. When they finally separated, Tony almost gasped. He was gorgeous, his black hair was shorter and his body looked way better than the thinner form he had when they divorced. And his smile, God, Tony hasn't seen that smile since their wedding, at least. Loki said hello to everyone, giving hugs from right to left, when they finally saw each other, face to face, Tony expected to see sadness or that he would be tense. But Loki just smiled at him.

-Tony! It's so good to see you. And you must be, Pepper, I'm Loki, I heard a lot about you-he said and it sounded so sincere that Tony just stood there, gaping like a fish out of the water.

-I heard about you, too, is nice to meet you-said Pepper with a happy smile-Clint wouldn't shut up about you, he really missed you.

-And I missed him, too-giggled Loki, he fucking giggled.

When their marriage was ending, Loki almost never smiled, or he was reading something or outside the house, Tony and he only talked everything they fought.

-Loki!-the dark haired man turned around and his face lit up. A man was coming towards him, his hair was blond and his face sincere and peaceful, he was tall and really handsome.

-What took you so long?-he asked moving towards the men with a big smile.

-I couldn't park anywhere-he said and then he kissed him. Kissed him. Tony was shocked. Loki pull apart and smiled again, Tony felt a pain in his chest when he recognized that smile, it was the smile full of love that Loki give him in their wedding.

-Tony, Pepper, this is Steve, my fiancé.

-Fiancé?!

* * *

My English kinda suck so... I'm trying! Hope you like this! Is full of angst by the way. Bye!


	2. Part II

**Part II:**

_-Tony, can you please stay still for just a damn minute?-Natasha's frustration was growing by the minute, Tony just chuckled. _

_-I can't, Tasha. I'm getting married today!-the redhead just rolled her eyes._

_-Yes, I know, but you're going to be late if you don't let me finish making your tie!_

_-Ok. Ok. I'll be still as a rock-Natasha rolled her eyes one more time and finished quickly so they could make it to the wedding. The place was beautiful; it was the same park where Tony asked Loki if he would marry him, six months ago. Tony stood in the altar, waiting for his soon to be husband, squeezing his hands and trying not to shake so notoriously. When Loki arrived, everybody saw why they were together. Their faces lit up when their eyes met, there was this sort of light that made feel as if they were in the middle of an intimate moment, something so beautiful and yet so private but they couldn't look away from the scene. The ceremony passed in a blur, neither of them remember exactly what they said but when the moment came and the father asked the big question, they both said "I do" with strong voice, full of trust and love._

* * *

_-We're finally married-Tony said._

_-Yes, my love._

_-I love you, I'm always going to love you-Loki kissed him sweetly, putting his feelings in there and receiving Tony's feelings in return._

_-Make yours, Anthony; make me forget about everything else..._

_Tony made love to Loki passionately, with every part of his heart, melting him with every touch of his hand, giving everything he had to give and Loki answered him in the same way, he gave himself into his loving words, into those hands that made him feel like he was on fire, into that sinful mouth, so hot and wet against his skin. That night, that beautiful night that would always be in their memories, they surrendered to passion and love and trust._

_Now... how something so perfect... ended so wrong?_


	3. Part III

_**What do I do to make you want me**_  
_**What have I got to do to be heard**_  
_**What do I say when it's all over**_  
_**And sorry seems to be the hardest word**_

_**Sorry seems to be the hardest word - Elton John**_

* * *

**Part III:**

_-I got a job-said Loki with a happy smile._

_-You got what?_

_-A job._

_-A job?-repeated Tony and Loki rolled his eyes._

_-Am I speaking Korean here? Yes, a job, Tony-the smile showed in his face again._

_-...Why?_

_-Why what?_

_-Why did you got a job?_

_-Because I want to work, of course._

_-Again, why?_

_-I don't know what you mean._

_-I got money, a mansion, everything you could want. Why would you want a job?-Loki looked at him with incredulous eyes._

_-You're not really suggesting for me to stay here all the time, right?-Tony shrugged._

_-Why not?_

_-Because I'm not a fucking wife! I don't want you to "take care of me", I want a job, I want to earn my own money, and I want to be more than a fucking housewife._

_-Ok, Ok, I'm sorry-said Tony, Loki glared at him-I'm serious, I'm sorry, I didn't know that you wanted a job, I didn't wanted to make you feel bad-the raven haired man sighed and smiled, Tony felt that he was forgiven and hugged his husband-I love you, I'm glad you got a job._

_-I love you too-said Loki and kissed him sweetly then smiled happily-I'm going to tell Clint now!-Tony watched him go and his smile dropped, he wasn't happy with that but he didn't wanted to upset Loki anymore._

* * *

_-Tony is that Loki?-the dark haired man turned around and saw his husband. Yes, that was Loki, dressed impeccably with a dark suit and __**laughing **__with a man._

_-Hey, Loki-the raven haired man jumped slightly and turned._

_-Tony!-he smiled and stood up-I didn't expect to see you here. Oh, hello, Bruce._

_-Hi, Loki._

_-Well, Bruce and I were hungry, so decided to eat something-Tony smiled-And this man is..._

_-Oh, right! Tony let me introduce you to Victor Von Doom; he works with me at the museum. Victor, this is my husband, Anthony Stark._

_-Is nice to meet you, Loki talks about you all the time-he smiled._

_-Oh, and I haven't heard a word from you._

_-Well, it would a little a weird if he talks about me all the time, right?-Loki giggled and Tony forced himself to keep his smile in place._

_-Yes, of course._

_-Well, enjoy your food, boys, we're going back to the museum now. See you at home?-asked Loki with a smile, Tony nodded and Loki kissed him, this was able to drain a little stress of his tense body. __He __watched them go._

* * *

_-What are you doing?_

_-I'm getting dressed, dear, can't you see me?_

_-Yes, I can see, but why?_

_-I have to go the National Museum to collect a piece of art._

_-But you told me today was your day off._

_-I'm sorry, love, it was a really sudden call-Loki apologized._

_-Master Loki, Mr. Von Doom in here-announced Jarvis._

_-Thank you, Jarvis-replied Loki._

_-You're going with Von Doom?-practically growled Tony. _

_-Well, yeah, he's my partner and is because of him that we get this piece; we would have a great commission._

_-And why can't he go alone?_

_-Are you listening, Tony? I'm his partner, we work in group._

_-Yes, sure, that's certainly what he wants-Loki stopped in the moment and turned to see him. _

_-What the hell are you talking about?_

_-I can see what is going on here, Loki. That guy wants something with you._

_-You gotta be kidding me, are you really serious jealous of Victor?_

_-I'm not jealous, I'm being honest. The meals? The piece of art? Is all bullshit, he wants you-Loki stared at him, with his mouth half open._

_-Sir, Mr. Von Doom is still waiting-Loki jumped and grabbed his coat._

_-Look, I don't have time to talk about this, Ok? See you later-and he left. Tony stood there for a few minutes before he went to the bar and poured a drink; he took it in a single movement and then smashed the cup into the wall._

_-We're not having this fucking argument again, Tony!_

_-We wouldn't be arguing if you fucking weren't going to fucking France with fucking Von Doom!_

_-Is because of my job, you idiot!_

_-Oh, really, because I think you are going to fuck Von Doom in this fucking trip!-Loki glared at him, grabbed his suitcase and walked to the door._

_-You are a fucking idiot and I'm not going to have this conversation once again, Tony, we're done-Tony froze and stared at him in disbelief. _

_-So now are you fucking leaving me for Von Doom?!_

_-I'm not leaving you because of Victor, Tony! I'm leaving you 'cause I can't keep talking about this, I can't keep dealing with your jealousy and distrust on me, I love you and that should be enough for you to trust me-Loki looked down-I can't do it anymore, Tony, is killing me._

_-Loki..._

_-Don't... just... -he shook his head-is too late now. I have to go...-he left without gazing back._

* * *

_Tony was drinking what would be his third or fourth bottle of scotch, Loki left five hours ago and he drank all the time, pretending not to feel the tears streaming rolling down his face. He ruined all, he knew it, and he was so jealous and so blinded by his fear of losing Loki that he didn't notice how much he was hurting him and he regretted it, he hated himself for doing that, for driving him away._

_-Sir, you have a call-Tony jumped._

_-Is it Loki?_

_-No, sir-the dark haired man felt deception._

_-I don't want to talk to anyone now, Jarvis._

_-But sir, it's from the hospital, they're calling about Master Loki-Tony felt his heart dropping to the floor._


	4. Part IV

**Part IV:**

_Tony sat beside the bed, taking one pale hand in his own hands, silently pleading for Loki, for him to wake up. It had been three days; Loki had been in surgery two times, something with his right leg and one broken arm. Tony sat by his side all the time, barely talking when their family came to check on them._

_-Please, wake up-Tony whispered. It took Loki a week to wake up, and three more days to be able to talk. He looked at Tony and his eyes filled with tears._

_-What happen, Tony?_

_-You had an accident-he told him in a low voice._

_-Where's Victor?-Tony didn't felt the jealousy, just sadness._

_-Loki... I'm sorry... he...-Loki looked at him with eyes wide open, his lower lip trembling._

_-No..._

_-Loki..._

_-No... Please, tell me... tell me is not true...-Tony closed his eyes and hung his head._

_-I'm so sorry, babe._

_-No!-Loki screamed-No! No! No! You're lying! No!_

_-Loki... Loki, please, calm down-said Tony, trying to grab his hand but Loki pulled away with an angry look._

_-You're lying to me! You're just jealous! Where's Victor, Anthony?!_

_-I'm not lying to you, dear, I'm sorry..._

_-No! I said no! Stop lying! Stop lying! Stop lying!-two nurses came in and grabbed Loki by the arm and the shoulders._

_-Please, calm down, Mr. Stark._

_-Do not call me that!-Loki growled and Tony took a step back-he's a liar! Victor is not dead! He's not dead! You're lying, you're...-his eyes closed in that moment, the injection worked right away. Tony looked at him, the person he loved the most, so angry, so broken for another man. Tony felt that the bitterness that was forming since a few months ago returned to him. Something broke in that very same moment._

* * *

_Loki straightened his tie and watched with haunted eyes his face in the mirror, he was pale and had bags under his eyes for the lack of sleep, his body was thin because he didn't eat much anyway, so the suit looked big on him._

_-Are you ready?-Tony asked, Loki didn't looked at him._

_-Yes-said._

_The cemetery was silent that morning, Victor's family was crying silently in the front; Loki and Tony were in the back, trying not to disturb the grieving family. When the service finished, Amora, Victor's sister came to them; she was a beautiful blonde and had green eyes like his brother. She stood in front of Loki, watching him with red eyes and then hugged him. Loki broke in that moment._

_-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...-Amora framed his face with her hands._

_-Look at me, Loki; this wasn't your fault, ok? It was that stupid drunk guy, I know you tried to save him, and no one blames you, ok? He didn't had much luck and it hurts and I know you cared about him too._

_She kissed his cheek sweetly._

_-Take care of yourself, dear, we would see each other again someday, I know._

_-Thank you, Amora-said Loki with a tiny smile. She left with her family, Loki stood there for a while, just watching the grave, saying silently his good bye._

_-We should go home-said Tony in a quiet voice. Loki looked at him for the first time in the day and nodded, he came closer and hugged him, Tony was surprised but he felt that Loki needed this._

_-Take me home, Tony-and he did that._

* * *

_That brief moment of calmness didn't lasted, Loki passed his days in his room, and he quitted his job and refused to talk to anybody except Clint and sometimes Frigga. Tony was being displaced little by little. Loki barely spoke to him, he didn't pay any attention to him, and he was reading or watching through the windows, with a look full of sadness and hollowness. Tony started avoiding him, doing nothing to fix what was slowly creating a breach more and more big; he buried himself in his job, drinking a lot and sleeping very little. He didn't even notice that Loki didn't slept in the same bedroom anymore, he didn't noticed when Loki started to spend more time outside than inside, he never noticed that Loki cried every night, having nightmares about the accident. He didn't noticed how much restless he looked and how much he was suffering in silence, he didn't noticed when he stopped feeling the warm feeling of love._

_He noticed that everything was wrong when he saw Loki pass by his side and neither of them acknowledged the presence of the other. He went out that night, went to a bar and drank a lot, dancing from time to time with strangers, trying to forget why was so bad that he had forgotten about the love he always thought it was going to last forever. That night he went to bed with a blonde girl, he didn't remembered exactly how they got there but the next morning he was with a big headache and in a bed that wasn't his. He didn't say goodbye just dressed and went home. He entered home, yawning when he saw Loki. He froze in the spot. The two of them stood still for a few minutes, looking each other in the eyes. Loki looked at him from to head to toe and Tony knew that he knew what had happen, the raven haired man pursed his lips and then he left. Tony didn't knew what to do but something was clear, he wasn't feeling any remorse, the fear and the pain that should be there it wasn't. _

_It was over._

_He knew it was over long time ago, since the accident but admitting it to himself was harder than what he thought and his knees went weak. All the promises, the love that used to be there was gone, they lost each in other like they always said they wouldn't. Tony realized with pain that Loki was a stranger, they only lived in the same house, and they didn't talk to the other in any way. It was sad, incredibly sad that they had ended this way, and Tony knew he had to put an end to this meaningless life that they were living._

_So he went for the divorce papers._


	5. Part V

So this is the end... The song for this chapter is "The Blower's Daughter" by Damien Rice. "I can't take my eyes off you..."

* * *

**Part V**:

-I always thought we would be together forever-said Tony.

-Me too-Loki replied.

-He makes you happy?-he asked

-He does.

-I'm glad.

-And her?

-I think she does.

-Give her a chance, she seems nice.

-She's not you-Loki let a sigh out.

-You know... when Victor died, he did it in my hands. I couldn't save him I felt guilty for a lot of time and I pushed you away from me-he looked down-I know that I have part of the guilt in our divorce but... I think the separation made some good in us, we're happy now, we're ourselves again.

-I love you-whispered Tony-I will always love you and I'm sorry for never notice in how much pain you were; I let you alone when needed me the most and I'm sorry I never told you how much I care about you.

-I love you too, Tony, you were the first man in my life; the person I knew would always be there for me. But... in some point... we lost each other. Now we found someone special again, so be happy Tony, because life's too short and we should enjoy it-Loki turned, giving his back to Tony so he wouldn't see his face full of sadness-Pepper is a nice girl, be nice to her, cherish her, and be gentle, don't break her heart-he started to make his way out of the balcony.

-It doesn't matter the time-said Tony with soft voice, Loki stopped but didn't turned-I will always love you and I know that someday we'll be together again-Loki didn't answered and left the balcony, back to his fiancé's arms.

Tony drank his champagne in silence and watched the sunset fall. He knew they would be together again because that was the destiny of the people in love, right? Be together forever? Yes, Tony knew they would be together.

He had faith.

* * *

This is the end... BUT I want to know how many of you wants an epilogue? Because this end is kinda sad so... let me know! Bye!


	6. Epilogue

**Epilogue:**

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you"

"Why?"

"You're about to marry the man I love, I need to tell you this"

Steve looked at Tony in silence and nodded, the dark haired man took a deep breath and looked straight to Steve's eyes.

"Loki is the most wonderful person you could ever have, I made the mistake of letting him go away, I was a coward and really stupid; so you need to learn from me because Loki loves you, he chose you and I want more than anything for him to be happy; it doesn't matter if is not me who makes him happy. So I came here, Steve, to ask for a promise. I want you to give me your word that you'll always be with him; that you'll protect him and that you will love him no matter what" Tears gathered in Tony's eyes but he refused to let them fall"

"I promise"

Tony nodded and moved to the door, he turned in the last minute and gave him a tiny smile "I really hope that you two can be happy together"

"Thank you" said Steve with sincerity.

* * *

Tony was very still all the ceremony, watching with sad eyes how the love of his life got married with another man.

Loki and Tony. It was always they against the world, two persons really different but so deeply in love with the other that there was no way they could break apart. But they did. They lost each other out of pride, and jealousy and blindness. The fear of losing the other, made them do awful stuff. Instead of protect each other; instead of loving each other like they said; they broke their hearts, they broke their trust and by the end, they were so damaged that they couldn't find their way back. Tony told himself that he was fine, that he wasn't sad, that he didn't had feelings for Loki anymore. And for a little time it was true, they were so apart that their feelings hid from themself. And he saw him again, so happy, so in love with Steve, he knew that it was all lie, that he never forgot him, that no matter what, Loki was still the love of his life. But was he suppose to do? Break them apart? No, Loki was happy, and he was not going to be the one that would erased Loki's smile away again. So he took a step back and did his best try for him not to be the jealous ex. Even if he was.

When Loki said "I do" and smiled, Tony bit his lip and closed his eyes tightly.

It was over now.

* * *

"Congratulations" Loki turned and smiled sadly.

"Thank you" whispered "I didn't expect you to be here"

"Well, you invited me, right?"

"Yes, I did"he smiled again. Tony tried to smile.

"I brought you a present" he took a little box from his pocket and opened it.

"Oh, dear... Is it...?"

"Yes."

"I thought that I forgot about it in that trip to Spain" Tony took the necklace with gentle hands.

"I found it in the deeps of your suitcase" Loki chuckled then turned around so Tony could close the necklace around him, the dark haired man took a deep breath and smiled when Loki turned again.

"Thank you, Tony"

"Is yours after all"

"Thank you, anyway" Tony felt that he was going to loose control soon so he averted his eyes.

"I gotta go now, I have a lot of things to do, stuff to invent, you know"Loki opened his mouth but Tony cut him off "Be happy, Loki" the dark haired man walked away fastly, barely saying goodbye to anyone. Steve walked to Loki and hugged him from behind.

"Is everything alright?" Loki didn't answered for a minute.

"It may be... eventually"

* * *

"Who are you?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm Peter"

"I'm Tony" the dark haired man sat next to the little boy "What are you doing here all by yourself, Peter?"

"I don't want my dad to see me sad"

"Why not?"

"Because then he will be sad and I don't want that"

"Is okay to feel sad in this situations, you know?"

"But my dad has suffered to much!"

"But his your dad, he's going to be more sad if you don't tell him how you feel" said Tony with gentle voice. Peter was silent for a moment.

"Dad told me that daddy was really sick, that he was going to leave us even if he didn't wanted to. I couldn't understand why but daddy told me that his time here has ended, that he had to go but he would be taking care of us from heaven" the little boy sobbed silently "he told that I should be strong for dad, that I should show him how much I love him"

"Hey, it's okay"said Tony running his fingers to the little boy's hair. Peter cleaned his face and looked at him straight.

"He told me that there was a person that loved my dad and that he would take care of us now" Tony felt his breath catch "Are you that Tony?" the dark haired man nodded shyly and the little boy studied him for a little longer.

"Then it's okay" he shrugged "you don't seem to be a bad person and daddy would never leave us to someone that would hurt us"

"But... but, you know is not only my choice, right?"

"Dad loved my daddy, I know, and I know too that the people we love sometimes have to go" he shrugged again and looked at him with crystal eyes "I want my dad to be happy again because daddy would wanted it that way. And if he told me that you were that person, then dad must be with you" Tony was too shocked to answer to that.

"Peter?" they turned and saw Loki, he widened his eyes a little when he saw Tony but quickly shifted his gaze to his son "I was calling you, dear. Is time to eat lunch" Peter nodded then looked at Tony.

"Would you sit with us?"Tony looked at Loki but he was shocked.

"If you want me to, sure" the little boy smiled.

"I'll go first!"he yelled and left running. Loki and Tony stood still for a moment then the raven haired smiled slightly.

"We should go" Tony's heart jumped and his eyes almost filled with tears, he looked awkwardly to the side for a moment to control himself then nodded.

"Yes" he said "yes, we should"

This was his second chance. And he would not make the same mistakes again. Not ever again.

* * *

The end.


End file.
